Good crack

It’s been quite an eventful week.


I was released from hospital on Wednesday, just in time to enjoy a BBQ and a game of boules in the garden back home. I also fancied a new look so called my stylist round to get to work – as you can see from the pictures, I’ve gone for a more rugged look, channelling my inner Pie Face.


IMG_4442Getting my hair shaved off was a good laugh, but it’s also a practicality. Better to have my girlfriend Emily buzz it than to wake up with half of it lying on the pillow!


A word of advice: my mum’s been good for lots of things, but don’t trust her with a razor after half a bottle of wine. (In the end I decided that no sideburns was better than one – not that I had a choice).

IMG_4445Brace yourselves, this next bit contains scenes of nudity and is rated 18. The pathways for chemotherapy delivery are wide and varied: I’ve had it orally, intravenously, and this week, intra-bum-ily. I believe that’s the technical term.

Good, reliable bike rack. One careful owner.

I lay face down on the bed with my pants down and my little raisin arse on show to the world. My bum was numbed with a cold spray, and I waited for three seconds. Two nurses, attending to one bum cheek each, then simultaneously jabbed my rear end. They even treated the affected area to a brief massage afterwards. I do not believe there was any medical reason for doing this, but it was rather nice.


I don’t just have affections for the female members of staff – I’ve been getting on very well with one of the male doctors. Being a Fulham fan, he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he knows his stuff and we’ve struck up a bit of a bromance. The other day, he did a ‘sensation test’ on me to ensure there were no numb patches on my face. This involved him gently caressing various areas of my face, finishing with a brief stroke of my nose. It was cute – we had a moment.

Later that week, the same guy took me down for an MRI scan as I was having quite severe headaches, and there were concerns I might have a blood clot on my brain. We waited anxiously for him to return with the results, and when he did, he said he had good news and bad news. We braced ourselves, and opted for the good news first. There was no blood clot, he said. And the bad news? I’ve got a really tiny brain. The bastard.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in hospital, it’s that things can change quite quickly. Two days after getting home and enjoying boules, BBQ and buzz cut, I went straight back in with further headaches. A scan showed that this time there really was a blood clot on my brain. Treatment has already begun, and it involves anticoagulants to thin my blood and in turn dissolve the clot. From butt-rub to blood clot – hospital life eh?

13244669_10153580474108483_6783817652861982569_nI’d like to extend a big thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has read my blog and signed up to the Anthony Nolan register. I’ve had an incredible 16,000 views on the blog, and 210 people signed up to the Anthony Nolan register within the first weekend of me posting. Comedian Jack Whitehall has kindly shared it with his 5m followers, and Sir Matthew Pinsent and Everton Football Club have done so too.

In case you missed it, I’ve posted a video below on how to sign up and what’s involved – it’s super easy and painless. And if you were thinking about signing up but didn’t get round to it, please consider doing so now as it is World Blood Cancer Day!



11 thoughts on “Good crack

  1. You are an absolute bloody star and so hirariously funny Neil. You make me laugh and cry and you will survive this, this illness has met it’s match. I bet you lighten up the nurses’ days as well. Sending you lots of love and strength. xx

  2. You are a true inspiration to all us all Neil. Your positivity and sense of humour are all you can rely on and you have these in abundance. Bless you from the bottom of my heart xxx

  3. Neil what can I say that others haven’t, I love your humour right on my wave length, must be a family thing. You will get through this episode in your life and wonder what the hell that was all about. What a journey and what amazing people you will meet, include yourself in that. Give your mum a big hug from us and tell her to lay off the wine!! Love and hugs Sue & Chris xxx 😘

  4. Hey Neil auntie Jaggy Bee here. Just read your blog update and you make me laugh. Only you would post a pic of your pants round your knees and 2 female nurses attending to your rear end!! Hope it wasn’t too sore though. Keep your chin up, we’re all thinking of you up here and Gran, Nicole, Kimberley and myself all send you our love and hope to see you soon. Keep strong, xxxx

  5. Hi Neil, I’ve just found your blog retweeted on twitter. I’m also an ALL sufferer and last year had a stem cell transplant at the Royal Marsden, Sutton on their TCT ward so can completely sympathise with what you’ve gone and are going through! I think your blog’s brilliant – so funny! I’ve also blogged about my experiences and find it really does help doesn’t it?! Anyway, if you have any questions about the transplant process I’m happy to chat about it all. I wish you all the best in finding a donor too! I’m sure it won’t be long until you do.

  6. Neil, enjoy reading your blog it does make me smile. Fulham supporters not the sharpest tool in the shed like that one mate.
    Keep on going mate I know you will come through this.

  7. A true champion if every there was one, wishing you the very best of luck young man, go safe and keep your foot on the throttle..

  8. Hey Neil.
    You need to be a writer!! What an amazing gift you have to make us laugh and cry at the same time when you are going through so much with this f……ing illness. You are pure dead brilliant.
    Sending you love and good wishes from Glasgow and hope I get to see you soon.

  9. Hi, this is Jennie’s dad (you know, her of the ever changing hair colour). She is coming out to Thailand next week for a short holiday. Is there anything we can grab you from Land of Smiles that will make life a little less tedious for you? A small elephant, stupid backpacker trousers, fake rolex, a signed ping pong ball from a “performer”, a 9kung fu flute, Leciester City FC, just name it…Anthony Nolan are well known here as well and although the perfect match may not come from Bangkok there are people registering regularly here, it is a kind of Buddhist Karma thing. Best Wishes….Ross

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